tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12573644384165648902024-03-13T04:50:02.863-07:00No, Not LookingA dude who's into dudes, and all his thoughts on what that's like.No, Not Lookinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10413209428615246304noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1257364438416564890.post-33101875882141515622014-07-31T20:46:00.000-07:002014-07-31T20:46:04.525-07:00Attraction vs. Infatuation vs. Lust vs. Short-Term DatingFor me, the most difficult part about internally and externally "normalizing" my sexuality was having to learn, in a very short period of time, how to manage and identify opportunities for sex, friendship and romance. <br />
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I think when most people come out, they're overwhelmed with the possibilities and drunk on finally being able to act on the impulses they've spent so many years trying to ignore. In other words, like the kids in college who never drank in high school, they end up playing "catch up"--but instead of binging on alcohol, they bone anything with a pulse and a v-neck shirt: Grindr hook ups, random tricks from the bar, assholes, people in relationships, "str8 guys", etc. <br />
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That was my experience. I hooked up with dudes merely because I could. At some point though, after I had gone through the slutty-teenaged-girl phase, I remember I wanted to make real connections with guys. But it wasn't so simple for me. I didn't have the dating experience that heteros have while going through puberty. So, I had to start from scratch, learning how to identify characteristics and traits that would help me figure out whether I was crushing on a guy or lusting for him or really just needed to be friends with him.<br />
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I've met guys whom I thought I wanted to date, only to realize they were only good for a fuck or a tug. I've made friends with guys whom I thought I only wanted to bang but ended up becoming really good friends with. It's hard being gay and creating relationships with other gays, platonic or romantic. I see a hot guy and my immediate thought is, "Shit, bet he knows how to arch that back." And so sometimes this tension exists that really confuses me and affects my ability to connect with guys on a real level.<br />
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Fast forward to today, and I still don't think I've figured it all out. For the past few weeks I've been chillin' with a dude, but I don't know what category he falls in: friend, fuck, boyfriend material (whether I'm ready for a legit relationship is a different story). We've only done the dirty twice, and if I'm being completely honest with myself, there's nothing that really draws me to him. He's funny, sharp, intelligent--the qualities that qualify someone as dating material, but there's a certain x-factor that he lacks.<br />
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It's not really there for me, but then I wonder if short-term dating is something I need to experience. Sounds self serving for sure, but at the same time, I gotta keep it real with this dude. I don't wanna become one of those gays who cheats on his boyfriend. On the flip side, I'm worried that maybe I'm still in a 20-something mentality where I'm just looking for the next best thing. Maybe this dude is exactly what I'm looking for. <br />
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Or maybe I'm trying to make it into something it's not meant to be. If I cut this guy loose, not that we're exclusive or anything, I think I'd be doing him a huge favor anyway. No, Not Lookinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10413209428615246304noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1257364438416564890.post-41167045889816792632014-07-12T19:07:00.000-07:002014-07-12T19:09:38.254-07:00A Night on the Town: The Measure of a True BroLet's kill this three week hiatus, shall we? <br />
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The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of juggling work, a new dude (we'll save that for another post) and most recently, a 4th of July visit from my best bro from college. It was a last minute trip for him, but goddamn did we make it count. <br />
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We met in the dorms freshman year and ended up living together the rest of college. When he and I get together, it's straight up shenanigans and non-stop hilaaaaarious (Dave Chappelle/Nick Cannon anyone?) He was the first guy friend I came out to, and even though I was on the verge of blackout when I told him, I'll never forget that night. I always knew he was a good friend, but everything he said was the type of shit you'd want to hear from any bro. That night was the most emotional I've been in years. But in all seriousness, I'd fuckin' ride for this kid any day.</div>
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The weekend was rife with all the classics of college: handle pulls, excessive drinking, drugs and a general disregard for the more composed citizens around us. His last night here, however, was one for the books. As all bros do, we try to fuck with each other as much as possible. He makes fun of me for being gay, and I make fun of him for being unemployed--all in good fun. But to fuck with him even more, I wanted to take him out to the gay bars and see how much weird we could get into. Let me just say, it got fuckin' WEIRD.</div>
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I'll preface this by saying that I don't go out to gay bars much. Every once in a while, I don't mind heading out there to enjoy some eye candy, but overall, I'm not into it. Anyway, after a few pitchers of margs, some shots of tequila, whiskey gingers, we hopped from bar to bar and then finally, to a gay strip club (also my first time at one). As someone who knows how to run game, on girls and guys alike, I was thoroughly amused by the strippers' attempts to flirt with me, obviously in pursuit of dat cas$h money.</div>
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So we're drinking, when this cute lil' female thang rolls up, red lipstick on, and starts talking to me about this and that. After some innocent flirting, she reveals to me that she's fucking one of the straight strippers, who apparently has a huge dick, and then I reveal to her, much to her dismay, that I'm more interested in seeing said stripper's huge dick. I introduce her to my straight bro, and we get to more drinking.</div>
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I consider myself an excellent wingman. Objectively speaking, I'm good looking, nice smile, good body, charismatic and quick witted--yadda yadda yadda. But most importantly, I invest myself fully into making sure my sidekick gets his, and tonight I did just that.</div>
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So we're all having a good time, buying rounds, and she introduces us to her homo friend. If a record had been playing, this moment was when it would've came to a screeching halt. This dude could NOT get it, and yet, here I was in an awkward position, trying to get my best bro laid so I could put the cherry on top of what was already an epic visit. I play the wingman role to a T, and we end up at the dude's apartment, where both the girl and the guy are aggressively trying to hook up with me. There were even propositions for a foursome. THERE WAS NO WAY IN HELL THAT WAS HAPPENING. I'm just not willing to see my friend in that light...not yet anyway. The girl was saying crazy things like, "I give the best blow jobs", etc. etc...man she was really trying to get it.</div>
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Long story short, I divert the girl's attention to my friend, whom I ended up seeing full on naked after walking in on him going down on the girl, and I take a grenade to prove to my boy just how good of a friend I am.</div>
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That's what a good friend does--selflessly commits himself to a purpose that is larger than himself. In this case, it was my friend's willingness to go to the gay bars with me and my dedication to getting him laid by this slam. Obviously, there are more noble pursuits that could illustrate just how strong the bond between two bros can be, but really it's the thought behind it all. This visit was just further validation for our friendship, as well as proof that we really need to ease up on the drinking. </div>
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Lolz, yeah right.</div>
No, Not Lookinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10413209428615246304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1257364438416564890.post-82641170239944586052014-06-17T21:14:00.001-07:002014-06-17T21:31:03.532-07:00A Tale of Two Homos Every morning while I ride the bus to work, I do four things: listen to hoodrat beats with heavy bass to get myself pumped for the day, practice my Spanish with DuoLingo (typing only), scan through CNN headlines and catch up on my social media. Today I learned (or TIL for you Reddit nerds) that the first guy I ever spent the night with, i.e. first dude I let sleep with me after a hook up, would be coming to my city at the end of the month. Fond and not-so-fond memories flooded back to me in an instant. While reminiscing about this dude was nice, the revelation that followed was much more satisfying.<br />
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I'll refer to him as <b>Window Climber</b>--<b>WC</b> for short--because my favorite memory of WC is forcing him to climb out my second-story window in the morning so my four college room mates, who were also Fraternity brothers, wouldn't wake up. To be honest, I made WC leave so early in the morning that it wouldn't have mattered how much noise he made had he taken the stairs; my room mates would have still been slaughtered from the previous night's drinking.<br />
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<span style="font-style: italic;">In honor of America's victory over Ghana.</span></div>
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It was my second semester of senior year and his second semester of his freshman year. We connected online, and I'll keep it at that. The first time we met, we hooked up in his Scion TC in a parking garage on campus. You know, the kind of high school shit closet homos have to resort to when you don't have a place to yourself.<br />
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WC was a fuckin' stud, and he still is, in some ways. Tall, dark and handsome with a sick body. I remember how nervous I was that he might pull up next to my car and end up having what some would call, "a face for radio", or even worse, if he was someone I knew. He was neither. In fact, I learned that he had had (paid) modeling gigs in the past. *cue Aloe Blacc's "I'm the Man". For the next two or three months WC and I would text back and forth, playfully flirting, and sneak into each others' rooms at odd hours.<br />
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There was an undeniable sexual attraction between us, but as time went on, I started realizing that he wasn't the bro for me, for many reasons. First and foremost, I was far from ready to have an emotional relationship with a guy. The other factors were a combination of our immaturity, different interests and my impending graduation. Our attraction to each other was purely physical. This was the first time I realized how much I valued a compatible personality and common interests in a potential significant other.<br />
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Fast forward to now, after three years, we're both in similar places but on COMPLETELY different paths. I always had a feeling he'd be a sceney type gay--he was too pretty, and he had his (cringeworthy) "princess" moments. He's been more open with his predilection for dudes and is even dating one of those internet-famous Instagram/YouTube guys. I'm stoked for him, regardless of our history, and regardless of what I think of those internet-famous Instagram/YouTube guys.<br />
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I, on the other hand, am perfectly content being somewhat under the radar. I've checked out pride events, and I've been to the gay bars, so I know for sure that that "scene" isn't really my thing. It just doesn't jive with my personality and what I want out of life. Plain and simple, it's not for me, but I understand its appeal. You know, some people say cucumbers taste better pickled.<br />
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And so my big revelation was that at 25, having been through some shit and having met different types of people in the three years since I met WC, I've come a long way. I don't have the same fears and worries that I had when I was in college. Sure, there's some lingering anxiety and I could probably be happier, but overall, I'm pretty fucking content. <br />
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<br />No, Not Lookinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10413209428615246304noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1257364438416564890.post-35064652206944272852014-06-15T16:04:00.002-07:002014-06-15T16:04:30.043-07:00You looking bro?After months of contemplating starting a blog, I've finally pulled the trigger. In a sea of anonymous 'closet homo' and 'gay bro' themes, I imagine my perspective and my thoughts on here will overlap with a lot of the sentiments you'll read on other blogs. That said, I hope my ramblings offer some insightful takeaways for others who might be in the same position as I am (I am not a unique snowflake). But ultimately, this is for me--an outlet for the ruminations that I'd rather not bore my friends with. <br />
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I'm 25. Left home to live in a big city. I have a good job, a healthy social life and a corporate discount at my local gym. I began the arduous process of coming out about a year ago, taking my sweet ass time with telling the people in my life. A handful knows I'm into dudes, and I'm sure plenty more suspect something's up. Like every other guy on Grindr, I'm #masc...I drink beer and whiskey, use monikers like "bro" and "dude" in everyday conversation, lift weights and am often referred to as a bro. <br />
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But there's a lot more to me than that, bro. And that's part of what inspired me to start No, Not Looking. If you love the occasional sweaty romp like I do, you're familiar with the cadence of the words "looking" and "not looking". The former--looking to fuck. The latter--not looking to fuck, no real agenda and possibly, looking for something more substantial. <br />
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So that's me. Not looking for something mundane--but looking for more...clarity on my own life, perspective on what it's like for a gay dude who doesn't define himself by sexuality and an understanding of why the fuck I (and countless others) think so much about being a homo, and why sometimes it even bothers me. <br />
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So here we go. <br />
<br />No, Not Lookinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10413209428615246304noreply@blogger.com0