Saturday, July 12, 2014

A Night on the Town: The Measure of a True Bro

Let's kill this three week hiatus, shall we?

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of juggling work, a new dude (we'll save that for another post) and most recently, a 4th of July visit from my best bro from college.  It was a last minute trip for him, but goddamn did we make it count.

We met in the dorms freshman year and ended up living together the rest of college.  When he and I get together, it's straight up shenanigans and non-stop hilaaaaarious (Dave Chappelle/Nick Cannon anyone?)  He was the first guy friend I came out to, and even though I was on the verge of blackout when I told him, I'll never forget that night.  I always knew he was a good friend, but everything he said was the type of shit you'd want to hear from any bro.  That night was the most emotional I've been in years.  But in all seriousness, I'd fuckin' ride for this kid any day.

The weekend was rife with all the classics of college: handle pulls, excessive drinking, drugs and a general disregard for the more composed citizens around us.  His last night here, however, was one for the books.  As all bros do, we try to fuck with each other as much as possible.  He makes fun of me for being gay, and I make fun of him for being unemployed--all in good fun.  But to fuck with him even more, I wanted to take him out to the gay bars and see how much weird we could get into.  Let me just say, it got fuckin' WEIRD.

I'll preface this by saying that I don't go out to gay bars much.  Every once in a while, I don't mind heading out there to enjoy some eye candy, but overall, I'm not into it.  Anyway, after a few pitchers of margs, some shots of tequila, whiskey gingers, we hopped from bar to bar and then finally, to a gay strip club (also my first time at one).  As someone who knows how to run game, on girls and guys alike, I was thoroughly amused by the strippers' attempts to flirt with me, obviously in pursuit of dat cas$h money.

So we're drinking, when this cute lil' female thang rolls up, red lipstick on, and starts talking to me about this and that.  After some innocent flirting, she reveals to me that she's fucking one of the straight strippers, who apparently has a huge dick, and then I reveal to her, much to her dismay, that I'm more interested in seeing said stripper's huge dick.  I introduce her to my straight bro, and we get to more drinking.

I consider myself an excellent wingman.  Objectively speaking, I'm good looking, nice smile, good body, charismatic and quick witted--yadda yadda yadda.  But most importantly, I invest myself fully into making sure my sidekick gets his, and tonight I did just that.

So we're all having a good time, buying rounds, and she introduces us to her homo friend.  If a record had been playing, this moment was when it would've came to a screeching halt.  This dude could NOT get it, and yet, here I was in an awkward position, trying to get my best bro laid so I could put the cherry on top of what was already an epic visit.  I play the wingman role to a T, and we end up at the dude's apartment, where both the girl and the guy are aggressively trying to hook up with me.  There were even propositions for a foursome.  THERE WAS NO WAY IN HELL THAT WAS HAPPENING.  I'm just not willing to see my friend in that light...not yet anyway.  The girl was saying crazy things like, "I give the best blow jobs", etc. she was really trying to get it.

Long story short, I divert the girl's attention to my friend, whom I ended up seeing full on naked after walking in on him going down on the girl, and I take a grenade to prove to my boy just how good of a friend I am.

That's what a good friend does--selflessly commits himself to a purpose that is larger than himself.  In this case, it was my friend's willingness to go to the gay bars with me and my dedication to getting him laid by this slam.  Obviously, there are more noble pursuits that could illustrate just how strong the bond between two bros can be, but really it's the thought behind it all.  This visit was just further validation for our friendship, as well as proof that we really need to ease up on the drinking.  

Lolz, yeah right.

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