Tuesday, June 17, 2014

A Tale of Two Homos

Every morning while I ride the bus to work, I do four things: listen to hoodrat beats with heavy bass to get myself pumped for the day, practice my Spanish with DuoLingo (typing only), scan through CNN headlines and catch up on my social media.  Today I learned (or TIL for you Reddit nerds) that the first guy I ever spent the night with, i.e. first dude I let sleep with me after a hook up, would be coming to my city at the end of the month.  Fond and not-so-fond memories flooded back to me in an instant.  While reminiscing about this dude was nice, the revelation that followed was much more satisfying.

I'll refer to him as Window Climber--WC for short--because my favorite memory of WC is forcing him to climb out my second-story window in the morning so my four college room mates, who were also Fraternity brothers, wouldn't wake up.  To be honest, I made WC leave so early in the morning that it wouldn't have mattered how much noise he made had he taken the stairs; my room mates would have still been slaughtered from the previous night's drinking.

In honor of America's victory over Ghana.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

You looking bro?

After months of contemplating starting a blog, I've finally pulled the trigger.  In a sea of anonymous 'closet homo' and 'gay bro' themes, I imagine my perspective and my thoughts on here will overlap with a lot of the sentiments you'll read on other blogs.  That said, I hope my ramblings offer some insightful takeaways for others who might be in the same position as I am (I am not a unique snowflake).  But ultimately, this is for me--an outlet for the ruminations that I'd rather not bore my friends with.

I'm 25.  Left home to live in a big city.  I have a good job, a healthy social life and a corporate discount at my local gym.  I began the arduous process of coming out about a year ago, taking my sweet ass time with telling the people in my life.  A handful knows I'm into dudes, and I'm sure plenty more suspect something's up.  Like every other guy on Grindr, I'm #masc...I drink beer and whiskey, use monikers like "bro" and "dude" in everyday conversation, lift weights and am often referred to as a bro.

But there's a lot more to me than that, bro.  And that's part of what inspired me to start No, Not Looking.  If you love the occasional sweaty romp like I do, you're familiar with the cadence of the words "looking" and "not looking".  The former--looking to fuck.  The latter--not looking to fuck, no real agenda and possibly, looking for something more substantial.

So that's me.  Not looking for something mundane--but looking for more...clarity on my own life, perspective on what it's like for a gay dude who doesn't define himself by sexuality and an understanding of why the fuck I (and countless others) think so much about being a homo, and why sometimes it even bothers me.

So here we go.